from mind to reality

If you’re interested in self-development, you’re probably interested in having as many breakthrough moments as possible.

In the NLP course I recently finished, I heard a concept that really stuck with me — and that has helped me make everything I experience into something valuable.

If you implement this concept fully, everything you go through takes you a little bit further in life — imagine all the progress and momentum you’d have.

I’ll bet that’s something you want — so let’s have a look at how it works.

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In the NLP certification I recently finished, one section struck a chord — two chords, actually.

“Whenever you read a book or watch a course, it’s your responsibility to find the value in it.”

While I got his gist, I found this a bit far-fetched — doesn’t it take away all responsibility from the author or course creator?

They could create a totally mediocre book or course and if anyone complains, it’s their fault cause, well, you’re the one who didn’t find any value in it.

Of course that’s not how the instructor meant the phrase, and one person having responsibility doesn’t mean other people don’t.

But actually, I quickly realized that if you do take such radical responsibility, it ends up being immensely helpful to you.

Because if this statement is true, that means no experience you have, ever, has to be a waste of time. Everything you read, or experience, or that happens to you could give you some value — if you choose to see it.

And it really is a matter of perspective. Even if a resource is really, really sucky, it’s valuable to know how not to do something!

But if you’re convinced that there’s nothing useful for you in a book or course, you’ll very effectively shut down any possibility of you learning from it, even if it’s the best resource on the planet.

The scientific perspective on finding value everywhere

You know how when you buy a certain model of car, suddenly you see it everywhere? This is called “frequency illusion” — we tend to notice what we have top-of-mind.

It’s made up of two other cognitive biases:

• Selective attention: Once something is brought to your attention, you’re more likely to notice it in your environment.

• Confirmation bias: You’re more likely to seek out and remember instances that confirm your new awareness, reinforcing your perception that it’s occurring more frequently.

This is a good scientific explanation of why the concept from the NLP course is true.

If you’re focused on value, you will notice more and more value around you.

And if you believe something is valuable, your brain will find it easier to remember and retain that value — helping you learn from it more easily.

Examples of how I find value in anything

I’ve gone through a lot of different books and courses to study throughout my life, and I can definitely see how these resources are what you make of them.

Slack off, and even the best course can be useless. Put in effort, and even a poorly created course can get you miles ahead.

And this doesn’t just go for formal learning materials. Do you have a movie you love so much, you’ve watched it, like, 8 times?

I do — and I still keep noticing new details and insights about it each time.

That’s because I’m truly excited every time I press play, and expecting it to be a positive experience. My mind is open to noticing new things about it.

Here are some more examples from my life:

• While I was doing interviews for my practicum semester during my Bachelor’s degree, I ended up being signed up to interview for a job that I was totally wrong for. I mean, I had zero of the qualifications and no interest in the job whatsoever. But I didn’t want to cancel last-minute, and didn’t want it to be a waste of time — so I decided to try to make it the most pleasant experience for both me and the interviewers as possible. And they actually offered me the job.
• I took a copywriting course a few years ago and set the intention to make the most of it that I could. And boy, did I! I came out of it as one of the top-scoring students and probably the most active participant, which led to three people from the course management team asking to work with me as soon as I finished.

• I do Latin dancing, and at socials, I dance with a range of people including both beginners and advanced people. I used to dislike dancing with beginners as they didn’t push me further. But ever since I started seeing those dances as an opportunity to perfect my basic step technique, I’ve made bounds of progress.
• Just today, I got an email from someone who had requested one of my services with a message saying “I read your profile and love your methodology.” Then when I explained the next steps, they seemed surprised that my service wasn’t something totally different — even though I explicitly stated what the service was and wasn’t on my profile, which they so clearly did not read. I spent half an hour figuring out how to write back tactfully and clearly. I could have seen this as them causing me wasted time — but I chose to look at it as practice for writing thoughtful emails and a sign to make my profile description even clearer.

Recap & action steps

• Every experience can be valuable or useless, depending on what you want to see in it.
• Before you start a book, podcast, course, or any learning material, set the intention of finding the most value you can in it.
• If you’ve experienced something frustrating that feels like a total waste of time, look back on it again with the intention to find a valuable lesson in it. (If you look for one, you will find one guaranteed!)

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I’d love to hear from you too — how have you found value from a recent experience of yours?

Let me know in the comments below!