from mind to reality

Last month you may have read how the ego — and survival instinct in particular — can give us false desires.

This is because the ego is always there to protect you. People have the instinct to want greater status and power in relation to everyone else — it helps our chances of survival.

So naturally, if you see people around you getting richer, buying houses, getting promotions, winning awards, etc — you get the urge to do the same thing.

But what happens if you don’t actually want these things?

You’ll end up spending a lot of time and energy going after something that doesn’t align with who you want to be. And eventually letting go of the achievement after all that work.

What a shame, when you could put that energy towards building a life you actually want to live!

This is why it’s not a simple matter of “I feel I want this, so let me go after it.”

You should first evaluate it to see if this desire comes from your survival mechanisms, or if it’s something you really want with your whole soul.

Let’s dive into 3 questions that will help you do that.

1. What does this goal need from me?

It’s easy to focus on what we want to get from our goals. But have you considered what your goal needs from you in return?

Every goal requires something from you to sustain it. For instance:

• If you want an honest, loyal partner, they’ll need honesty and loyalty from you too.
• If you a huge or loyal social media following, they need to have something to follow. You’ll need post consistently to give your followers something to engage with.
• If you want rock-solid abs, those muscles need regular stimulus in order to stay strong. In other words, you’ll need to commit to a workout routine that challenges those muscles regularly.

And now the big question is: are you willing to give that?

If you want a big following for example, but you don’t want to spend any time creating content or engaging with people on social media, then you probably don’t actually want a big following.

2. How does the thought of doing these things make me feel?

As you’ve seen, it’s easy for the ego to look at a goal and think “me want!”

But if you want your soul to speak through, you need to lean into how fulfilling your goal makes you feel.

• What energy do you associate with the actions you identified in question 1?
• What energy do you associate with the vision of you having the final goal?
• What energy do you feel around being the type of person who would have that goal?

Energy is the language of the subconscious mind — but the ego causes all sorts of feelings too. It’s easy to get the two of them mixed up.

So take the time to really lean into your goal and dig past the immediate response.

Also, consider what feeling you want to have associated with your goal.

For example, say you want a big following, and you want it to feel empowering. But the thought of spending time on social media feels draining.

So what other goal does make you feel empowered? Maybe being a speaker at events would do that for you. Or some other way of having an impact on many people.

Evaluate your goal based on your feelings — and use your feelings to define the right goal.

3. When my 95-year-old self looks back, what will I think of myself?

Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. But you don’t necessarily need to wait until the end to use it.

By projecting yourself into the future and “looking back” at your present, you can gain valuable perspective.

This could be because this exercise highlights our mortality — and therefore makes you momentarily discard everything that doesn’t matter to *you*.

Imagine yourself at 95, looking back on your life as it is now. As you see yourself pursuing the goal you have:

• Do you feel proud?
• Does it align with your values and what truly matters to you?
• Or do you find yourself thinking you should choose a different path instead?

Another good question is how you want other people to describe you.

Now, this isn’t to try to people please or worry about what others think.

Rather, ask yourself this: What kind of life would make you describe yourself this way?

Recap & action steps

• Ask yourself what your goal needs from you in return. Are you willing and able to give it?
• Sink into the feeling of how you feel about your goal and the actions required to achieve it. Is it what you want your goal to feel like? If not, what other goal would create these feelings for you?
• Imagine yourself at 95, looking back at your current self. What would they think of you now? Use the perspective of your future self to evaluate the long-term significance of your goal.

---

I’d love to hear your thoughts too!

Have you ever tried to achieve something and later realized it’s not what you actually want? What helped you realize that?

Share your experiences in the comments below!