from mind to reality

There are things almost everyone wants.

A big audience on social media.

Strong relationships.

A high income.

But when you really dig into these desires, you might realize that you just *think* you want those things… because your survival instinct wired you that way.

Since it doesn’t actually help your survival in the modern age, that illusion of a goal just sits there taking up prime mental real estate… and possibly blinding you to what your soul *truly* wants.

Let’s take a look at this deeper.

How our survival instinct can mislead us

Have you ever hung out at someone’s lavish home and left it feeling like, I want my house wired for sound with speakers in every room too! How have I been living this long without it?

Only to visit a friend soon thereafter who’s wearing the same clothes she wore in college more than 20 years ago, who’s driving the same falling-apart car and listening to the same crappy stereo, because she feels these things are good enough, why create more waste by throwing them away and upgrading?

And you suddenly find yourself feeling dirty for wanting a big fancy stereo and speakers in your laundry room.

This was a passage from You are a Badass at Making Money — and I include it here because it’s such a great illustration of what an outdated survival instinct does in the modern world.

What is the survival instinct about, really? It’s about wanting to have more power, more status, more resources than others, so that we have fewer threats and a higher ability to survive.

And if others have a resource and you don’t, you’re suddenly at a disadvantage.

So of course your ego is constantly looking around at others and saying, “Ooh, let’s get us some of dat!”

This would have worked great in the world the survival instinct was designed for.

But today, with so much diversity around us, and our ability to see into the lives of strangers around the world, it completely overwhelms our ego with all the shiny achievements others have that we should too.

Our modern life is becoming less about surviving and more about the soul’s purpose. But our bodies still operate the same way. So many people’s greatest challenge is identifying what we actually want.

The question you need to ask yourself

So here’s a question you need to ask yourself, to check if you actually want a goal.

What does this goal need from me?

For example, say you want a big following on Instagram.

• Well, this goal requires you to post often. (Your followers need something to follow, after all!)

• You’ll also need to interact with lots of accounts, and spend a lot of time on Instagram — not just scrolling but, strategically engaging with accounts that could be interested in yours.

• You’ll need to have thick skin to shrug off the odd (or frequent) rude or cruel comment.

• You’ll need to be consistent and keep giving your audience value in the same topic that they followed you for.

• Or, you’ll need to put yourself out there in a really big way such as by being on a reality show.

And now here’s the real question… are you willing to do all of that? Do you want to?

Digging into what you truly want

People often say they want something, but they don’t want to do any of the things that actually gets them there.

That’s like saying you want to work as an accountant, but you don’t want to work with numbers, or documents, or sit in front of a computer.

That begs the question: so why do you want to be an accountant? It’s because you associate some kind of feeling or benefit to it, and you’ve attached the image where your subconscious mind perceived this benefit to the idea of having the benefit.

For example, you might have seen someone who is an accountant, and has a life with great work-life balance, is 100% satisfied with what they do, and earns a good salary.

And maybe what you actually want is to also have a job you’re fully satisfied with. Dig deeper into your goal, and you’ll eventually hit this realization.

The beauty of modest goals

It may be hard to admit it to ourselves, but there’s nothing wrong with not wanting these things.

Fame isn’t cut out for everyone. Neither is wealth. Or any other goal. And not because you don’t deserve it or don’t have what it takes — but because it’s not what makes your soul sing.

Maybe what your soul really wants is to live in a cozy one-bedroom apartment that takes just 15 minutes to clean, with a nice view of a forest, and to live off your garden.

Maybe you’d rather be the makeup artist working behind the scenes than the star performing in front of millions on stage.

Maybe you’d rather earn a modest income but take Mondays and Fridays off so that you can spend time with your dog.

That’s totally okay.

I too have a “modest” goal, with my main hobby of Latin dancing — the community has a lot of competition, with lots of people wanting to call themselves a “teacher” and have their face on festival posters. At first, I thought I wanted this too.

But as I began growing as a dancer, I realized I’d much rather just be a “great dancer” and leave people with a good feeling after they dance with me, even if they never know my name.

How to let your soul speak through the noise

It takes self-reflection to filter out what your soul really wants. You have to patiently let your ego quiet down, and invite your soul to chip in too — by paying attention to how you feel when answering questions like these.

• How do I actually feel when I imagine myself in this role?

• What does this goal require of me? Am I willing to give that?

• Does it align with my values as a whole?

• Does it integrate well with my other goals in life?

• Am I willing to give up what has to be given up?

• Am I willing to accept what it will give me?

• When my 95-year-old self looks back, what will they think of my life?

• If I could never share anything on social media and by some kind of spell, nobody ever knew anything about my lifestyle, what would I want?

Recap & action steps

• We are wired to want what everyone else wants, so we’re not left at a disadvantage and have the best resources and status for a high chance of survival.
• But that’s not necessarily what your soul really wants — and since this goal isn’t actually tied to your survival in the modern age, you often won’t actually do anything about it and it will just take up space and energy in your mind.
• Get down to the nitty gritty of What does this goal require from me? What would achieving it look like? And consider if that’s what you truly want. And remember, there is just as much beauty in humble, off-the-beaten-path dreams than those big shiny ones people put on a pedestal.

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I’d love to hear from you too — what’s a goal you once had but realized it’s not what your soul is trulyafter?

Tell me in the comments below!